Mga Banat….

November 27, 2009

• Pwede bang tumingin ka sakin habang nakatingin ako sayo para may pagtingin tayo sa isa’t-isa.
• Hindi mo naman kailangang mahirapan, minsan kasi ayaw mo lang bitawan.
• alam mo, I love reading the menu kasi it has ME-N-U
• May kandila ka ba jan? Ipantitirik ko lang sana sa puso kong patay na patay sayo.
• Kung dalawa ang mahal mo, piliin mo yung pangalawa kasi hindi ka naman magmamahal ng iba kung mahal mo talaga yung una.
• Kung nalulungkot ka dahil hindi pa dumarating ang nakatadhana sayo, huwag ka masyado malungkot, dahil kahit siya hindi pa ganun kasaya dahil wala ka pa.

Dagdag na lang kau guyz, if may maisip pa kau…. ☺

Joke Time 2

NA-MI-MISS MO NA BA ANG “PINAS”?
(a collection of Pinoy humor)

1. On a wall in La Loma Street, a sign says “Huli ihi, putol titi”.
2. A PLDT sign reads: “SLOW MEN AT WORK”
3. Welcome to the Philippines - “The only Catholic Country in Asia” and directly underneath that sign: “BEWARE OF PICKPOCKETS”.
4. Along a highway in Pampanga: “We Make Modern and Antique Furniture”.
5. On a building in Cebu, Atty. Domingo Carriedo “Notary Public ,
Tumatanggap din ho ng labada tuwing Linggo”.
6. A flower shop sign near U.P. Diliman: “Petal Attraction”.
7. In a self-service restaurant in Cebu: “Please help our comfort room clean.”
8. In a Baguio grocery: “Fresh Frozen Chicken Sold Here”
9. In Cubao: “None ID Nothing Entry.”
10. In a parking lot: “Taxi and outside cars not allowed.”
11. In a convent: “2nd Floor Upstairs”
12. At a construction Site: “Erection going on.”
13. Office clinic in Sta. Cruz: “Dr. Sakin A. Morge, M.D.”
14. Along Paco: “Mabuhay Funeral Parlor”
15. Along Luneta Boulevard: “BAWAL TUMAE SA BULEVARD”
16. On Jeepney and Bus signs: “Before pay, tell where get the on before get the off”
17. “Full string to stop driver.”
18. “God knows Hudas not pay”
19. On a Flower shop in Rizal Avenue: “We sell artificial fresh flowers.”
20. On a delivery truck: “NOT FOR HERE”
21. On Window of a restaurant in Baguio: “Wanted: Boy Waitress”
22. In Chinatown and Greenhills: “Le Cheng Tea House”
23. In a restaurant: “DETH’S EATERY”
24. On a street in San Juan: “Bawal magtapon ng binalot ng tae rito.”
25. A grafitti inside the cubicle of a ladies’ C.R. in a university “Please don’t sit like a frog, sit like a queen.”
26. At a men’s comfort room, above a urinal - “Hawak mo ang kinabukasan ng bayan.”
27. On a truck - “Kung nababasa mo to, panautot ako maaamoy mo.”
28. Tag in Divisoria which says: Ponkan for sale at P5.00 per each.”
29. At a construction site in Mandaluyong - “BAWAL OMEHI DITO. ANG MAHOLI BOG-BOG.”
30. Sa may entrance ng St. Anthony School sa Singalong, ” NO PARKING THE DRIVEWAY”
31. Vacant lot neat Makati Avenue: “DON’T PARKING.”
32. At an eatry in Cebu: “we hab sopdrink in can and in BATOL”

Joke Time….

Nakalap ko lang ito kung saan -saan:

AnaK: Mom i know the truth
Mom: ha?? eto P500 huwag ka lang maingay sa Dad mo!!

Anak: Dad i know the truth
Dad: ha?? eto ang P1000 huwag ka lang maingay sa Mom mo

Anak: (ok pa ito… subukan ko nga sa katulong) Inday i know the truth!!!
Inday: SA WAKAS!!! YAKAPIN MO AKO ANAK!!!

=========================

Math love story…

Boy: do you know that my love for you is like the limit of a constant over a variable as the variable approaches zero??
Girl; ano yun?
Boy:infinity
Girl: ganun? eh alam mo bang ang lab ko sau ay parang limit of a function of x as x approaches ‘ a’, f d function of x s equal to ‘c’ f x s gretar than
a en s equal to d nd f x s less than or equal to a?
Boy: ano namn yun ?
Girl: syntax error!!!
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

QUESTION: WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?

1.KINDERGARTEN TEACHER: To get to the other side.
2.ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross roads.
3.KARL MARX: It was a historical inevitability.
4.SADDAM HUSSEIN: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion. We were justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
5.HIPPOCRATES: Because of an excess of phlegm in its pancreas.
6.DR. MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.
7.MOSES: And God came down from the Heavens, and He said unto the chicken, “Thou shalt cross the road.” And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.
8.FOX MULDER: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross the road before you believe it?
9.RICHARD NIXON: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did NOT cross the road.
10. MACHIAVELLI: The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.
11. SIGMUND FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
12. CHARLES DARWIN: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected and evolved over time in such a way that they are now genetically endowed with the capabilities required to cross roads.
13. ALBERT EINSTEIN: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends upon your frame of reference. (Duh?!?)
14. ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die. In the rain.
15. ERAP: Ang media ang may kasalanan diyan!
16. MIRIAM DEFENSOR-SANTIAGO : ” Aha! I know it! That chicken crossed the road to provoke me. I move to permanently hold in contempt that chicken. I request for a restraining order, your honor, so that the chicken would not be able to cross the road again!”
17. RAMON REVILLA: “I concur, your honor. You see, may timbangan ako ng manok sa bahay. Doon ko nga nalaman na 96 grams ang 1000 na bills ng 1000 pesos to make 1 million pesos. See 96 grams? 96 grams talaga! Malapit yun sa isang kilo…eh sa 96 grams talaga eh…Pero huwag nyo akong tanungin kung ilang kilo ang manok na nagcross ng road. Eh, di ko nakilo eh. I guess, takot syang pakilo. Baka kulang sya ng 96 grams. In short, kulang sya ng isang kilo.”
18. EMMA LIM: Para po uminom ng iced tea, your honor!
19. CHAVIT SINGSON: Eh, nililito nyo lang po ako, your honor. Di ko alam kung bakit nagcross yun ng road. Wala naman sa ledger ko kung bakit. Nililito nyo lang po ako. Nililito nyo lang po talaga ako.
20. CLARISSA OCAMPO: It crossed the road to go to the office of, I am sorry, Mr. Estelito Mendoza.
21. ESTELITO MENDOZA: Whether I will quit as a defense lawyer of the president or not, shall depend upon the decision of the president himself, not the crossing of the road by the chicken.
22. RAUL ROCO: It is a noble profession to be a chicken and to cross that road!
23. CHIEF JUSTICE HILARIO DAVIDE: Unless there is an objection, the chicken can cross that road.

Alamat kung bakit sinungaling ang mga lalaki…

Isang araw umiiyak si Pedro, dahil nahulog ang kanyang hammer.

Napadaan siya sa isang ilog at nakita siya ng isang anghel, naawa sa kanya

Anghel: bkit ka umiiyak?

Pedro: Kasi po nahulog ang hammer ko sa ilog.

Pagkarinig ng anghel, lumusong siya sa ilog at dala ang isang gintong hammer.

Anghel: ito ba?

Pedro : hindi po.

Lumusong ulit ang anghel, at dala ang isang silver na hammer

Anghel: Ito ba?

Pedro: hindi po

Lumusong ulit ang anghel at bitbit na niya ang hammer ni Pedro

Anghel: ito ba?

Pedro: Opo, iyan nga

Sa katuwaan ng anghel, ibinigay niya pati ang gold at silver hammer

Makalipas ang ilang araw.

Si Pedro ay umiiyak ulit dahil nawawala ang kanyang asawa

Anghel: Bkit ka umiiyak?

Pedro: Kasi po nawawala ang asawa ko

Pagkarinig non ay lumusong ang anghel at dala niya si Christine Reyes

Anghel: ito ba ang asawa mo?

Pedro: Opo siya nga po.

Anghel: Sinungaling ka, hindi ito ang asawa mo. Katulad ka rin pala ng iba.

Pedro: Kaya ko po sinabi na siya ang asawa ko, dahil pag sinabi ko hindi siya, lulusong ka ulit at baka ang dala mo naman si Maria Rivera at sasabihin ko na hindi siya at paglusong mo ulit dala mo na ang asawa ko. Tapos ibibigay mo si Cristine at Marian sakin, hindi ko po kaya ang tatlong asawa.

*******The End*******

lol, tawa ako sa alamat na ito. E2 ay kwento lang naman ng aming priesthood…. hehehhe/.